Mystic Etchings

230 lbs. and ready to shred

2006-10-28T02:24:38Z

I have been bulking since I got out of bootcamp and I now tip the scales at 230 lbs. and at this point, I think it is finally time for me to cut again to get a bit more shredded. I believe I have gained about 15 to 20 lbs. of new muscle and about 10 lbs. or so of fat/water on this bulk and I am looking to get rid of the later before my PRT that is coming up. Last thing I need to do is fail and get a red mark on my military record before I ever see an actual ship. :P

What I love is I now weigh 230 lbs. but I can still fit into all my uniforms like before, which means I am just a lot denser than I used to be. yayness! My utility shirts and my dress blue jumper are tight across the chest, but that's because my pecs got bigger once I started taking tribulus and animal staks and hitting the weights hard. I am looking to increase this trend.

The last two weeks I have been really stuffing the hell out of myself in order to boost my metabolism and tell my body "look, you're not starving to death!" so it'll burn up all that fat and maintain most of my new muscle.

Wish me luck guys. ^_^

Amityville Horror

2005-10-08T04:24:32Z

Just watched the new version of the Amityville Horror and I have to say that it was better than I thought it was going to be. I wasn't a real fan of the original just because the lead character's beard was just over-the-top and distracted you from the ghosts and demons because it was just so large and hideous. It was actually scarier than the hell-hole in the basement which looked like a retarded sewer hole. At least this version of the movie had the dead indians, the evil catholic priest responsible for their deaths as well as good underground dungeon scene which every good undead villain needs.

That's pretty much the highlight for today. Damn I lead a boring life. I can't wait to get to boot camp...even though I know there will be a lot of the yelling and the hurting when I get there. At least I'll be getting paid to do push ups and run. :P

Graaaah!

2005-10-05T17:52:09Z

I haven't updated this thing in a long time, so I figured now would be a good time to since some stuff has happened since the last update. One, some jackass moronic piece of shit ass-eating jackoff decided to infect my forum server with a Exploit/ByteVerify trojan and my host company is either half asleep or too retarded to realize that the damned thing is infecting the PHP module on the server. Hence the reason the injection code only shows up when a .PHP page is loaded and not when a regular HTML page is used. They continually insist that the server is clean and that it is somehow our fault or that we're imagining our virus scanners going off like fireworks on the 4th of July when loading pages from their server, right? Typical, seems my community can't get a fucking break this year. Something or the other is always happening which forces us to change servers or forum software which most likely this is going to cause. So now we'll probably get to start over from SCRATCH for the 5TH FUCKING TIME. GRAAAHHHH! I am going to go back to using YaBB and say FUCK mySQL forum software from now on. If I can't access everything I need to run the forum, then I don't want to use it. That and I have seen so many forums and sites screw up because the database, which is supposed to be 'faster' and 'better', screws up and corrupts itself. This has happened too many times for my taste so its back to reliable ol' flat files I go! At least then I could just delete shit I didn't want in the 'database' one file at a time and if some jackass hacked the flat files they were easily restored from a backup on my system.

That isn't where the shit stains of life end, though. I had an interview with the CEFCO store next door to our apartment and I had the fucking job. I HAD it, and then they came up with some lame ass excuse about their 'hours being cut back' at the last fucking minute. Do I LOOK stupid? I know an aversion tactic when I see one and I don't appreciate it since I was upfront about everything. In other words CEFCO, you can suck my hairy balls. I refuse to use your stores ever again after this bullshit and I will make sure everyone else I know uses the 7-11 down the street instead of your little shit store. It'll go under and I'll laugh as it does, you fucking pricks! Ha!

On the good side of things (and there isn't a lot), I downloaded a new antivirus (Avast! http://www.avast.com/) and it works pretty damned good. Has like seven on access scan providers and a mini-firewall built in so basically everything I do online is scanned for viruses and other annoyances. It doesn't catch a lot of the Spyware, but that's why I have Microsoft AntiSpyware installed as well and it catches most things.

I am also looking forward to watching Dungeons and Dragons II: Wrath of the Dragon God on the SciFi channel this coming Saturday night. I am a fan of Bruce Payne because he's an evil looking french bastard and possibly the only man from that country that has a pair. He got a bad wrap from the first movie because they forced him to wear this hideous blue lipstick, but he by far out 'villained' Jeremy Irons and was the main bad ass in the movie (I loved it when he killed Snails :P). He was the Hannible to Jeremy Iron's Zanatose, so I liked both of the characters a lot (even if Jeremy did over-act most of the film). I am not sure about the protagonists in the movie, though, and I am afraid they're going to fuck up with the costuming. I'd rather not see these characters wearing plastic armor like they did in the last one.

I have another DEP meeting this coming week and supposedly we're going to a Spurs game on the fourth of Nov. I don't even LIKE sports, but this is considered 'mandatory fun' so I have to go. I will use this opportunity to get some more information about boot camp and Navy life itself out of my recruiters, though. The more I can learn from them before entering the service, the better.

Well, that's it for now. Be sure to stop by Darkspeaker's Myspace for more information about the ol' KingOfChaos/Law. I got bored and made a profile over there, even though I am pretty damned sure something on that site is installed the WinFixer malware on my system since it shows up on my AOL Spyware scan whenever I go there.

Another change..

2005-08-16T15:30:49Z

August is a month of change around here, most of it not good.

First of all, my mother decided to have a heart attack and ended up in the hospital. This is after beating breast cancer. She really needs to get her shit together health wise or she is going to die before she reaches the age of 60. She needs to lose weight and become a bit more conscious of herself and stop living in a dream world revolving around deep fried food and television. On top of that crisis, the gas prices here are fucking ridiculous and everything has gone up in price because of it. An amount of food that would have cost us $140 last year now will cost us approximately nearly TWICE that now. While I rant about that, let me also rant about the price of healthy food compared to shit like chips. You want to know why Americans are fat? It's because the food that is healthy for us is through the roof price wise and the greasy shit food that everyone eats is dirt cheap. That's why.

However, there are some good things this month.

My neice, Rayna, is now in kindergarten. Yes, today is the first day of a long time of hell for my little neice who actually seems to enjoy school or something. Most little kids freak out the first day of school and they cry, etc. Not Rayna, according to my sister, she was just like "Okay, you can go now" and then informed the nearest children that they WOULD be her friend because she said so. She definately has the Muder imperialistic attitude.

As far as I go, I can get back to working out now that we got some food. I am going to be looking for a civillian job myself while I wait to ship out so I can afford my food and body building supplements. I am TIRED of not being able to buy what I need to stay healthy and I have to do something about it as I would like to be even less fat and have more muscle when I enter bootcamp.

Went Well..

2005-08-11T03:17:44Z

The D.E.P. meeting went really well. There were a lot more people there than I thought there would be. I was expecting about 6 to 8 people and we ended up with abouy 15 to 20, all cramped in this small ass recruiting office. My friend Josh didn't show up for the meeting, so I know he'll probably end up on the wrong end of about 60 push ups when he shows up on the secondary Saturday meeting. As far as push ups went, I probably did the less because I have more than two brain cells to rub together. During the 'push up contest' I did the less amount because I actually KNEW the material and most of the others did not. In fact, most of the push ups I did were caused by morons either mumbling through the Sailor's Creed or from other morons eyeballing Chief Hill. I think we did about 100 to 120 push ups within that 1 and a half hour meeting. Not bad, really, and nothing I could not handle.

Now, if I could just get this swimming bullshit down I would be golden.

First DEP Meeting

2005-08-10T16:21:46Z

Today I have my first D.E.P. meeting for the Navy at 5 P.M. Kinda nervous over what we'll be doing, exactly. I know I now have to treat the recruiting office as a 'ship' and have to salute the flag and one of the Chiefs there when I first enter and then I have to salute the Chief and then the flag again when leaving. I also had to memorize the Eleven General Orders of the Sentry and the Sailor's Creed in a single day. Well, I didn't have to but I don't love push ups all that much, thank you. I know I will be doing them anyway since the tool bags in the meeting with me most likely will not have memorized them yet and will continually forget the orders and the creed.

I am gonna do my best not to screw up and call one of the Chief's 'sir'. Had to do ten push ups (easy) the last time I accidently let that one slip. Luckily, I will be running on adrenaline during the entire time and will be able to do more push ups than normal because of it.

More Exercises! Whee!

2005-08-03T16:49:20Z

Well, I started 'military style' push ups this morning and was surprised to find I could only do 10 of the fucking things per set. I can do 6 sets of them, but only 10 at a time. The difference between a normal push up (where you go all the way down to the floor and then push off with a full range of motion) is that you don't go all the way down to the floor and stop and push back off when your elbows are parallel with your back. This keeps constant tension on the front deltoids and really burns the fuck out of your muscle. I have to be able to do at least 17 of these bitches for my first 'PT' examination at Basic. Also gotta start swimming everyday. Gonna be hard to practice swimming when the winter months come around. Not that I can't get onto Ft. Hood with my military ID, its just that Killeen is still so far away and gas is ridiculous.

I can't wait to get on ship. I am hoping to get stationed in Japan, but anywhere is better than Texas really. Being overseas would be really nice, though, since the entire point of joining the Navy was to travel the world for free. I can't believe more Americans haven't joined the military. Free food, medical insurance, no rent or utilities, job training. Shit, sounds like a free ride. Sure, it's still a job and probably not fun the entire time, but if you can make it through basic training you're pretty much set.

In the Navy!

2005-08-03T04:58:27Z

Yep, I enlisted last week after a harrowing struggle versus the goverment red-tape that was thrown against me. First I was labeled as some sort of hero for losing 320 lbs. to join the Navy, but then narrowly avoided being permanently medically disqualified for the loose skin that was a result of the weight loss in the first place. What a lovely thing to do to someone. Take something they're proud of doing and try and turn it into something to be ashamed about. Regardless, the decision was over-turned after I made a plea to be allowed to enlist and that I would avoid any sort of conflict due to being made fun of and ensuring the medical board that the loose skin wouldn't somehow interefere with my physical training during basic. What did the doctors think I was doing to lose the weight in the first place? Eating ho-hos and watching TV? I obviously had to exercise and exercise a lot to drop that much fat. I wonder if they believed I did it by surgery or something, which is not the case. If I had the money to get gastric bypass, most likely I would be listed as too wealthy to join the military in the first place!

Good thing is I had a lot of recruiters working to get me in. I must have had half the Navy recruiting office in San Antonio (including a Captain and a Lieutenant!) trying their damndest to get me in and I appreciate the hell out of them for it. I think my 89 ASVAB score attributed a little to their enthusiam, but I think my story of weight loss and struggle really touched a few people there. Now I am slated to be shipped out sometime in the near future, where after 8 grueling weeks of basic training, I will attend the Navy's AECF school (Advanced Electronics and Computer Field) for 19 weeks where I will become either an ET (Electronics Technician) or a FC (Fire Controlman) after another 13 or 11 weeks of training.. If I am to be honest, I would really like to be an FC. They get to work on the various weapon systems on the ships and even get to operate them. Talk about an interesting job! However, a lot of schooling has to be done to get these jobs and I won't see an actual ship for probably 9 to 10 months. I will be spending about 37 to 40 weeks at the Great Lakes III Naval Base in Illinois just in training alone!

I will have to make sure and attain my journeyman electrician's certificate so that I can work as an electrician if and when I ever get out of the Navy. However, to be honest, I don't think I want out. I may make this into a career and eventually become an officer.

IQ?

2005-07-03T04:33:28Z

Your IQ Is 120

Your Logical Intelligence is Exceptional
Your Verbal Intelligence is Exceptional
Your Mathematical Intelligence is Exceptional
Your General Knowledge is Exceptional

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

Truth be told, my IQ has been tested at 138.

Hot or Not?

2005-05-26T03:46:08Z

Kinda strange, really. Never figured I would ever do this, considering that I am not all that into myself appearance wise. However, I have no idea if I look good or not. So remembering that one of my forum members (OyTamarind) did it, I decided to as well. Unfortunately the first time I did it I acquired some asshole that just kept coming back to my rating and giving me a 3 every day it began to annoy the hell out of me. So I took the picture off to reset the votes and thwart their ugliness. So far I have gotten one 6 as a rating, so I am fine with that. Kinda liked the 9.8 I used to have before the asshole appeared, but what the hell. :)
http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=EMBRSRN&key=FMB

You can see my rating there and perhaps give me one of your own. Be honest, but not cruel please. Continually returning to someone's rating and voting low everytime is a really shitty thing to do.

My writing is going well, probably around 80,000 words by now. Blasphemous Bestiary will officially be done at 100,000 words I think. Just got about 20 more monsters to write out and my first book, written by myself, will be done. ^_^

I have been posting the unedited work to Realms of Evil ( http://www.realmsofevil.net )if you're interested in seeing it. You'll have to wait for the finished product to get the final stuff, though ;)

Oh and I'd like to rant about something. When you've been a member of a community for say three or four years, you'd expect that you'd be a part of a family right? Then why is it that many people just seem to forget that RoE exists? I noticed some of the Livejournal people that used to post at the forums daily, many moderators, post more on their LJ (as in thousands of words) but most are in danger of having their accounts removed because they aren't posting at the forums? I like my LJ too, but damn...I don't forget the site exists you know?

Just miss some of these people sometime. I guess most of them have grown out of gaming and that's why they've basically left. However, at least a goodbye in my inbox might be nice.;)

Wow

2005-05-19T05:10:02Z

Here I am, 60,000 words closer to having a book finished! Not only that, but the new material added to the main site has really revitalized the site. The site traffic has nearly doubled just today after gamingreport.com announced all the new 'additions' I made. I am working on the RoE Pantheon at the moment and have two deities 'finished'. One in Zinraak, a sun god of vampires, and Felmara, a deity of justice, healing, and torture no less. Tommorow's deity is Sepsancret, a deity of elemental air, purity, and disease. That's right, disease and purity together. Should be an interesting challenge making that work in some evil way. You can see all I have written at http://www.realmsofevil.net/

As far as weight loss goes, I am pretty much finished with it. I can't really lose anything else but skin and no amount of running can burn that off (unfortunately). Not saying I won't continue working out, but I am probably gonna stick to lifting weights primarily and trying to build up my lean body mass.

Oh...if you want to see my dramatic change, look at these two pictures. http://www.realmsofevil.net/images/before.jpg and http://www.realmsofevil.net/images/after.jpg

I have been told I look like an entirely different person. People who knew me in highschool don't recognize me now.

2,000 Words per Day

2005-05-03T17:59:32Z

Yep, that is my goal now, to write 2,000 words a day until I have enough material to publish my own book completely written, edited, and developed by yours truly. I figure that if I stick to this goal that I can have a full manuscript ready to edit within a month and ready for artwork by the end of another two weeks after that. This sitting around and doing nothing for Realms of Evil has to stop, because it is killing the website and the community that developed because of it. Half the people who used to post never do anymore and those that are still showing up just sit around and never post and it's becoming worse as the months roll by. My estimation is that Realms of Evil will be dead activity wise by the end of 2005 if something is not done to save it from fading away from neglect. Even if I can't update the layout, the site itself can still be saved with actual work by me. As much as I believe RoE to be a community project, it really isn't. People love the site and the forums, but I am the only one who can keep it from dying and I am the only one who really has the need to save it. This is a good 12 years of work for me that is about to up and die because I can't take the fucking time to put more into it than I have been.

Not to mention that I miss writing on a regular basis. I realized this last Sunday when I actually sat down and wrote up several of the major artifacts created by Zanatose after a gaming session. The ideas just seemed to flow from my mind into the paper and I missed that feeling. Now, this doesn't mean I am not going to work out more. In fact, I will probably work out even more, since doing so seems to help my creative muse. I actually came up with a few ideas for monsters while pumping iron yesterday.

Just gotta get everything straightened out mentally and physically and find a true balance.

218 pounds!

2005-04-22T17:38:13Z

Yay! I've lost more weight! ^_^ I don't think I have been this lean since 6th grade. Though I never hear ridicule anymore, I am still a bit over weight and I would really love to get down to about 10 to 8% body fat so I never really have to worry about gaining weight back again (as long as I watch what I eat). I've also realized that I am just a large person in general. My body circumference, even at this weight, is still roughly twice the size of other men of my height. I guess I am what you call 'barrel chested and short waisted'. Basically, if I had a beard and an axe, I could be a rather in shape dwarf at the moment.

Gah! I really need to change the picture I have for my LJ. I don't look like that anymore. I have new glasses that don't take up half my face, I am clean shaven and I no longer part my hair down the middle. Not to mention I no longer have that hideous neck fat so obvious still there.

As far as life goes, I have decided to go into the Coast Guard rather than the army. I do this for several reasons: I think stopping drugs and illegal aliens from entering the country is preferrable to stealing some other countries oil reserves under false pretenses and possibly better for me getting into the DEA or the FBI after I gain my degree in Criminal Justice and finally, because it keeps me from being deployed to a war zone which really isn't my goal in joining the military. I am sure being shot at by drug/gun runners, braving hurricanes to rescue idiots lost at sea, and rescuing people who get pulled out to sea will be dangerous enough, thank you.

Oh! We've starting gaming again. So far we're playing in a Starwars D20 and an all drow D&D adventure again. The D&D game involves a group of renegade drow from House Jaelre attempting to find the lost drow city of Mordnessar (the one Zanatose Everhate, my epic level drow lich, destroyed thousands of years ago and left to the shadow dragons). The city, forged from gold and platinum spires, is damned near impossible to breach and has a great wyrm shadow dragon which can't die permanently guarding it. I seriously doubt we're gonna actually get it this time since out 21st level characters died like bitches the last time we attempted this. :P Fucking dragon. The Star Wars D20 adventure involves our pirate group that works for the Black Sun Syndicate. In order to weasel money out of the Chandrilah goverment, I am getting married to a prominent governor's daughter who also happens to be a Rebel spy. Such a state wedding involves many expensive gifts of which half will belong to me. Others from our ship are also getting married, since all marriages that happen at state acquire yet more treasure for our crew. However, during the actual wedding, an assassination attempt against the senator's son's rival happened and we were asked by the goverment to investigate...otherwise the scandal caused by the attempt could be our undoing and we could all end up being arrested by the Empire. We are currently attempting to find the assassin and 'arrest' him. In reality, we may end up acquiring his services for ourselves after 'arresting' him and then helping him escape. After all, the Black Sun Syndicate can always use more experienced hitmen on their payroll.

As far as writing goes, I am also gonna be designing my own drow city, just because I am bored off my ass, and possibly posting it to the Pits or releasing it as a PDF on the main RoE website for download. Something a little more creative than just a large cavern filled with hollowed out stalagtites/stalagmites would probably be good. I will also make up all the houses located there and the various personalities of the city. I am thinking of naming it Ketturuk or something similar. I should have it done within the next few months and I think it'll be an interesting addition to the RoE domain.

Wow, I updated!

2005-02-10T15:34:19Z

Haven't touched this journal in a while because we got a new computer and I have been really busy getting into shape. STILL not at the weight I want to be at, but then I am more concerned with gaining more muscle at the moment than losing a lot of fat. I need one to get rid of the other ;) I am just glad no to be the butt of everyone's jokes and that I can go out to eat with my family without feeling like an elephant at a petting zoo.

I'll update again later, once I figure out what the hell I am gonna talk about on here. :P

In the Army Now?

2004-11-07T20:31:04Z

Well, I have decided to join the army as a MP come this January. I would sign up now, but I'd like to spend Christmas at home and not at basic training. Having a large scary black man in a forest ranger hat screaming in my face to do 10 more push ups in the cold rain is not my idea of a down home Christmas ;) Why and how did I come to this decision? I am no longer afraid of the physical requirements of the military and I am not that overweight anymore. Last time I checked, I was 20% body fat with a lean muscle mass of nearly 200 lbs. I am sure there are men who have gotten into the Army weighing more than I do. If they don't take me the first time, i'll just try harder to make it the next year! Why am I going into the military? I need the experience as a MP to become a civilian cop outside the military, I need the physical conditioning and discipline, and I need a fucking job! I can't find a normal job, so this is it people. I am not even going to bother looking for another job. Another reason is I have no friends offline. Sure, I bet I make a few enemies in the army, but I bet the majority will be my friends or at least civilized. I remember in HS when I tried out for the football team that it was a strange transformation in many people I knew. They seem to have a lot more respect for me afterward, even if I didn't make the team. I am hoping once I get in to find a few very good friends. :)

I plan on going 'Green to Gold' so that I can eventually become an MP Officer and take on more responsibilities. The college money earned isn't bad either and i'll use it to get at least my bachelors in criminal justice. Then its onto becoming an FBI, CIA, or SS agent. Hell, I have my entire life planned out and I don't plan on backing down from it damnit!

A lot has happened..

2004-10-21T17:56:05Z

First off, the Walmart interview was a fucking joke. They took like 20 people back into a breakroom and then gave us a 'mass interview'. In other words, they wasted two hours of my fucking time. Why they even called me in there, I don't know, since they obviously had people there more experienced in retail than I was. I was greatly irritated at Walmart for that.

The bad news is I still haven't found a job and I doubt I will. The jobs around here suck and the ones that don't require a master's degree or 10 years experience. It has gotten to the point where children can't leave the home until they're 30 years old because shit costs too much and the jobs available just aren't good enough. This society is going to end up a clan society if it doesn't work out, with four or five generations of a single family living in the same house because none of them can afford to live on their own. Not that I mind that, because i'd never be lonely, but as it is its not normal yet.

I am still diligently working out just about every other day and am up to about 2,500 calories a day now. I am not gaining any weight, so I guess that means my body is burning those calories repairing all the damage the exercise is doing. I have started taking creatine to gain more muscle power. It allows me to lift heavier while being less sore from doing so. I am eating about 150 grams of protein a day to add muscle mass and I am actually starting to see a difference in muscle size and strength. This makes me happy. :)

Stygian #6 is coming along nicely now. I have channeled a lot of the enthusiasm and energy I get from working out into the project and that seems to propel me forward to get it done. So far, we have about 14 articles confirmed and about 15 artists ready to go at it once they're done. I hired a new art director for the Stygian and he seems more than willing to work hard to make sure the issue is arted up. The addition of a layout expert means the issue will be top notch visually and of course all of our artists are extremely talented. This theme's issue is 'Mystic Secrets', so it means to have a lot of magic in it, which I know thrills me being a wizard nut. :)

As far as other projects go, I have decided to merge Mortis Arcanum and Careers in Villainy to create a 'Magic of Faerun' type of book for villains. This cuts down on the release time substantially since no more writing really needs to be done. Both the books together would be about 200 pages and most of the interior art for Careers in Villainy is finished. It also allows me to cut out a few of the less desireable prestige classes from Careers in Villainy to increase the number of spells, items, etc. from Mortis Arcanum. Shield Magic is still being worked on and I plan on adding a preview to Stygian #6 from it.

Walmart?

2004-08-22T22:36:45Z

Well, I have been putting in job applications for the last week and the only company to bite has been the big bad Walmart. Temple has the first Super Center built by the company in it and just about everybody within 100 miles goes to the fucker to shop everyday. It's always crowded, especially on the weekends. The good thing is that I noticed that they don't have a whole lot of male cashiers. I can't stand being a cashier, because standing in one place for 8 hours at a time does not agree with me physically or mentally. I'd rather be working in the warehouse, unloading trucks at 3 in the morning. At least that way I get a good work out. My increased physical strength and stamina should help with this job, if I get it, and I may even make a point of telling the interviewer about my increased physical strength if he looks like he is going to pass me up. I am not sure how many other people are being interviewed, but I bet we'll end up all getting a job since this Walmart is so damned popular and the fact that the Holidays are fast approaching. The important thing is that 1) I will be up and moving thus losing weight, 2) I will be getting a steady source of income, 3) Two people that work there are gamers that I know of. One is Zeb, a friendly acquaintaince of mine that could quickly become a best friend and the other is Dolores, a gamer goth girl that has been showing some romantic interest in me each and everytime we talk. She's extremely thin, so maybe she likes bigger guys. Now that I am more muscle than fat, I guess I can see what she likes. I still don't have the confidence that I would like, but hopefully working will help that. I just hope I don't have some manager on my ass 24/7. I don't think they understand that having someone lording over me all the time reduces my work performance and ups my stress so I continually make mistakes. I can't stand being under constant scrutiny by a boss as it fucks me over and makes me hate a job. Either way, I am hoping I can be trained by an actual non-management employee like Zeb. That'd be cool, since we're already just about friends to begin with.

Weight Liftin'

2004-07-29T23:24:19Z

Well, all goes well here. I am a lot more healthy. I never have heart arrythmia anymore and am now actively seeking a job so I can afford to pay for necessities and to help with my college. Plus, with a job, I will be eligible for financial aid I hope, since I won't be making shit for money. Still weigh about 280 lbs., but I believe I am losing body fat while gaining muscle. The most noticeable difference is my back, which is so large that I look like I have a slight hunch..but that's because my blasted shoulders are having a hard time gaining in size. My chest has gotten larger as well. I can actually feel the space between them and my lats, which have also gotten larger. Before I could feel the shoulder bone from under my arm, now I can only feel the muscle. Kick ass! ^_^

The way ths is going, I should be fit enough for the TCLOSE test. Then it'll be easy to get on at the local cop shop. ^_^

A cop?

2004-07-11T20:16:17Z

Well, I am now wondering whether or not I want to eventually become a police officer. I mean, I like being in charge and enforcing the law is definately a worthwhile venture and they don't make bad pay (especially if you're a Lt. or higher in rank) and it beats the hell out of military service (they don't deploy cops :P). Plus, you get to go home every night. Also, the local college has a very good Criminal Justice program/degree that I would be able to take so I could hopefully go into the Temple P.D. as an officer and not a beat cop. More importantly, it would make me feel important and better about myself by serving my community rather than just sitting around or planning to open a gaming store that most likely will never exist. There is also the alterior motive of women liking men in uniform :P

As far as the diet goes, I have given up on losing any 'weight' and am concentrating more on gaining muscle. I am on what bodybuilders call a 'mass building phase'. I figure the muscle will eat into the fat reserves, especially once my metabolism goes up enough where I can hardly eat enough to maintain weight. Once I have gained a significant amount of muscle back, I will go into a 'cutting phase' and begin losing fat again.

Been eating a lot of protein lately, though I stopped taking that nasty soy protein crap. Not only does it taste bad, but soy protein has a bad habit of causing your body to create more estrogen (the female hormone) and I don't really WANT anymore of that shit in my blood stream. In fact, I may look into buying some anti-estrogen products to get rid of the estrogen already produced by my body so my muscle will grow faster. Please note that anti-estrogens are not steroids because it doesn't ADD testosterone, just inhibits the estrogen so the testosterone already produced by your body has a better effect.

Argh!

2004-06-27T19:49:45Z

This fucking computer annoys me. Here I am, trying to update my journal and the piece of shit picks now to try and freeze up on me. I can't even call it a computer anymore. It's more like a glorified calculator with internet access and an addictive quality not unlike crack cocaine. I need to update my fix. Anyone want to help a brutha out? Okay, enough bitching..negative thinking is like cancer, it spreads from your brain to the rest of your body and makes you fat. I bet you didn't know that, did ya? Yes, my being fat is blamed on my own negative thinking for the first 24 years of my life. I won't have anything more to do with it I tell you! ^_^

Damn, I am turning into Orroloth..a postive pollyanna as he describes himself. I wonder if its the alcohol he drinks or if he actually spends a lot of time working out and is on a natural high like myself? Either way, it feels really good to like myself again. I don't ever remember feeling like this before. It's like I am on happy pills or something, except I am not. I think more drug addicts should work out. That way they wouldn't need the drugs anymore since your body makes quite enough all on its own. ^_^

Anyway, I have decided to up my caloric intake. I wasn't eating enough, so my body builder friends over at the Muscle and Fitness boards told me that I had placed my body into 'famine protection mode'. How annoying is that? I still weigh nearly 300 lbs. and my body goes into some ridiculous state so I don't DIE from starvation? If only I would be lucky enough to be in danger of starvation. Gaining weight is a hell of a lot more fun than losing it. :P I now eat something small and healthy every 4 or 5 hours and am continuing with the weight lifting and cardio walking, though I have stopped walking as much. The continual soreness in my legs isn't a good sign, since it could signify muscle damage and decay and the last thing I need is gangrene inside of my calf muscles. I have also started taking this nasty tasting soy protein mix. This stuff is fucking gross and it gives me gas, but its supposedly good for me. Ugh. I am going to get a bottle of the Designer Whey Protein as soon as I can, because this shit makes me want to vomit and it smells so bad that Ari complains about it when I am making it. Quite frankly, the protein from an animal source like cheese is probably better for me anyway, since the soy stuff is plant protein and probably isn't as useable as the whey. Since I am trying to become a body builder of sorts, it's probably a good idea to have the whey instead.

Okay, enough boring you with the dieting stuff. I know it gets tiresome, but I have to keep focused on it..otherwise i'll fall back into old habits.

Mmm..Red Heads..

2004-06-23T04:22:02Z

Wow, three updates in a single day! Okay, the quiz post doesn't really count, but it's still unprecendented. This update will be small, but important for me. I was working out at the fitness center and 'Willow' came in to show these two girls the equipment. I guess they were looking at apartments or something. Regardless, 'Willow' did nothing but stare at my ass the entire time as I was on the stair master. It was great and I was gonna say something to her, but the potential residents (stupid bitches) came up and said they were ready to leave! Bah! Damn them and their impatience! Oh well., I am gonna find a reason to visit the office tommorow morning. I have to look at her again at least. :P

Quiz

2004-06-22T20:41:31Z

My sphere is Guardian (Person of great Love and Altruism), and my class is Defender (Peaceful, yet Potent).

I am a Warden.

To be a Warden is to be the ultimate Guardian. Whether a physical Guardian or an essential Guardian, is up to you. You may be both. To be a physical Guardian is to be a living, breathing testament to the love you carry for a person, or people, whose lives you will always defend if you possibly can. To be an essential Guardian is to be a living, breathing testament to the security that your wards seek, and will look to you for your always kind, always nurturing support.

What kind of Warrior are you?

Hmm...that'd explain why I am the adminstrator of a set of forums. Duh!

Update

2004-06-22T20:25:52Z

Well, I figured it was time to update this LiveJournal now, since I haven't touched it in about a month. What's happening here? Not much, really. Just still working out and losing weight. I have lost about 20 pant sizes so far and can now fit into 1x shorts. I think my actual waist size is around 44 - 40 since I can now wear my brother-in-law's size 40 belt, which is great. I am below 300 lbs now (around 290-295 lbs.), but am having to take a 'diet pill' to actually lose weight because my body adjusted to all the activity and lowered caloric count. I am walking about 6 miles a day now when it's not raining and still lifting weights, though I am not entirely sure I am getting enough protein to truly build mass. I am hardly getting enough just to repair the normal damage from doing nothing. It is simply raining too damned much here and when it's not raining, the temperatures are well into the 110 degree mark. I did finally get a key to the apartment complex gym, only to find out that some jackass STOLE the fucking treadmill key that keeps the damned thing on. However, they do have a lot of nice weight machines in there that I will be using. Everything from lat pulldown machines to stair steppers and exercise bikes. It should help me a lot when it comes to losing this weight. My mom and dad bought me some protein drink mix, but the problem is the fact that the shit isn't just protein. Each serving has 20 grams of protein AND 19 grams of carbs. I DON'T NEED CARBS. I need my body to burn the stored energy that it already has on it while still building lean muscle mass so my resting state fat burning continues to climb. I understand that little twig men or men that are already body builders and have 4% body fat need those carbs to work out their muscles, but I don't. I won't need that for a LONG LONG time. So I can't really use the stuff, because it would either cause me not to lose anymore weight or it would actually cause me to GAIN weight. It's fine as a meal, since it has less fat than the Atkins shakes, but I needed it as a protein supplement that wouldn't add any fat transferable calories (protein does not turn into fat, it leaves the body if the body has no use for it).

I got to talk to 'Willow' who works in the front office. It's not her real name, but the woman looks just like Willow from Buffy, so I decided to name her that until I can finally get the cajones to ask her what her real name is. She's married (of course! >:( ), but that doesn't mean she'll always be married. Most relationships don't last more than 3 or 4 years anyway, so she maybe back on 'the market' so to speak. When she is, I am gonna ask her out. I can't help myself..she's just so damned beautiful and nice. The irish/celt in me seems to have a thing for red heads. :P She always waves at me and she blew a kiss at me the other day when I was walking. At least that's what it looked like to me. I couldn't tell because my eye sight is bad and I was across the street from the office when she did it. I was the only one out there, so I waved back and hoped that it was me that was the target of such an affection. She was wearing a tight red silk blouse and black satin pants today. I almost died right there when I opened the door to get my key. I do hope she likes me. She sure does seem to.

I could easily fall in love with her. There isn't any 'if' about it. She's my type, she's sweet, and she seems really intelligent. I just wish I didn't LOOK the way I do. I think she's actually impressed with what I am doing for myself, though. Maybe it even turns her on for all I know. That'd be nifty :P

As far as online, I started my Dragonstar game and my Dark Sun game. I seem to be becoming a better online dungeon master and may start a IRC game sometime soon to see if I am really ready for that. I will probably only have three or four players, though. I refuse to run an online game with 8 people in it ever again. The last time I did, it was fucking horrible. I had all the players trying to PM me at once, all trying to pull my attention to 'their' problem. It was not something that I liked.

Rude People! >:(

2004-06-04T17:54:44Z

As everyone knows, I have been walking a lot lately. I usually do three laps in the morning and three at night. Well, lately, since it starting getting hot, there seem to be a fuck load more rude people around. Every single night for the past week and a half I have had people make comments about my weight when I am out walking. How stupid is it to ridicule people that are trying to lose weight? If the fuckers hate fat people so much, shouldn't they be trying to ENCOURAGE me to lose it?

I don't understand the hostility. I had some drunk jackasses and their rude girlfriends from a balcony trying to get my attention last night by yelling 'Hey fat ass!'. I didn't even give them the satisfaction of turning around to look at them. I just reached back, flipped them off, and kept walking. Then I have this fucker in a bottom floor apartment who stands outside every night and smokes on his 'porch'. Everytime I walk by his apartment, he spits. Now, I don't know if he's spitting at me or not, but the last time he did it I heard it make contact with concrete. The side walk I am walking on IS concrete. He's just lucky he didn't spit on me. You guys in the chat room know I am a clean freak and I would have went fucking psycho had he actually gotten on me. He's kinda retarded too, since I was carrying a full bo-staff with me at the time. I could have easily made him a dentist's worst nightmare if I had went nuts.

All that behavior does is make me want to work out HARDER. That way I can get down to my normal weight and then buff up like Vin Diesel. I was so tempted to tell those assholes last night "Bitch, in six months i'll be fucking that whore up on that porch with you and she'll be yelling MY name while bucking on YOUR sheets". However, last thing I needed was to kill three or four dumbass jocks with a quarterstaff and end up in jail for murder or at least aggravated assault with an illegal weapon. I have to keep the increased testosterone in check lest I become just like the brainless idiots I have despised my entire life. I want to change my body and health, not my mind. I believe being overweight this long has actually placed a bit of perspective on life. I have more respect for people. While others may see someone and make fun of them for something, I have a bit more compassion and do not harass them. I can't stand being annoyed by rudeness and I refuse to perpetuate the idiocy of most men my age that have never experienced real ridicule because God blessed them with a higher metabolism. In my opinion, all humans need to experience being fat at least once in their life. Maybe then they'll learn to shut their mouths and mind their own business.

Self Improvement is Masturbation?

2004-05-29T04:57:44Z

Never really understood that statement and I still don't. Then again, Fight Club was full of such assinine statements related to the hopelessness of life and that you should just do what you enjoy and fuck everything else. I don't believe in that anymore after all this working out. Self Improvement is salvation is probably a more truthful statement, because in my case, it seems to be building both confidence and health and I LOVE it. I believe that exercise is a solution to alot of health problems, including mental problems like depression. Working out causes your body to release the hormone called Seratonin, which is basically the same thing you get from eating chocolate (since the chemical reaction to chocolate causes it to be secreted) and is also the main ingredient in the illegal drug Exstacy. Problem with the drug is you overdose in seratonin and you body loses its ability to create it, itself. Thus, you are shoved into life long depression. However, by exercising, your body secretes enough of the hormone to dull the ache and burn of your muscles once you have warmed up (it acts as a pain killer, allowing your brain to 'gate' the pain off). It also has the side effect of making you happy and also allowing you to sleep more deeply and to have better rest. It also eventually raises your metabolism as you gain more muscle which needs more calories to simply exist. How I didn't realize this like 15 years ago, I'll never know. I still don't think I am eating enough protein, though, because my muscles NEVER seem to not be sore. I have come so accustomed to being sore that it doesn't even register to my brain unless I am actively thinking about it (that 'gating' reflex again). However, I cannot allow myself to stop walking, even for one day, because its so hard to start up again.

Then we have Mr. Lazy. Yes, that small voice in my head that continually peeps out when I am exercising with annoying things like "Oh, we've done two laps. I think that's enough for today" or "We can skip ONE day, besides you're tired". It's damned hard to evict Mr. Lazy after having him set up residence in my mind for 25 years. Watching Dr. Phil during the weight loss challenge made me realize Mr. Lazy was one of my biggest problems and he even now plagues me, by keeping me from writing on my books like I should.

Okay, enough with the health talk. I am quickly becoming a health nut :P

As far as what I did today (besides walking 3 miles an hour ago), we went to Applebees earlier and I ate a grilled chicken salad for supper (200 calories, 35 g of protein) and I saw this really hot nurse. She was only like 5'3, but she was hispanic (I have a thing for the darker skinned women. Something exotic about them) and she looked to be dressed as a pediatric nurse. However, what attracted me was the nerdy librarian look. I can't help it, as a gamer, I am attracted to intelligence more than appearance and since she obviously had graduated from college (most likely TC, since they have an actual nursing program), it was all that much better. I didn't have the confidence to talk to her though and she obviously had her friend with her. I would have been awkward to walk up and just start talking. I still don't know how guys walk up to strange women and ask them out, but I guess that is just a measure of confidence I don't have just yet.

Other than that, all I did all day was clean the house so my brother-in-law's mother wouldn't think we were complete slobs. Wow, what an exciting life I have! :P